A THISTLE BY ANY OTHER NAME

Wikipedia picture of Archibald Leach.

 

 

Ben Franklin wrote as Silence Dogood, Polly Baker, Busy Body and other names.

One of Hollywood’s classic leading men from the 1930s-1963 was Cary Grant. An interviewer once told him, “Everyone would like to be Cary Grant,” to which Cary replied, “So would I.” He was actually born Archibald Alexander Leach in Horfield, Bristol, England.

In addition to choosing a writing pseudonym, entering the Witness Protection Program or taking on a more appealing stage name, there are many reasons people change their names. Although Shakespeare wrote that a rose by any other name would be as sweet, I agree with L.M. Montgomery’s character, Anne, who said this in ANNE OF GREEN GABLES. “…I don’t believe a rose would be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.”

My mother grew up being called Mary Ibbeth when other children had trouble pronouncing Elizabeth. My brother called me Mayno until he could say Marylin. Mary Ann Evans wrote under the name George Eliot to be taken more seriously than women writers of her time. And Mark Sinclair changed his acting name to Vin Diesel. I assume it’s for VIN (Vehicle Identification Number) and DIESEL (a type of gas used in a diesel engine) which fits with FAST AND FURIOUS.

When I was growing up, almost all my friends hated their names at some time or another, and we’d talk about the names we’d rather have. All of us ended up sticking to our given name, or shortening it to a nickname. One of my favorite examples of choosing a significant name is by Patricia Briggs in RIVER MARKED. “Mercy is not a proper Indian name.”… “Rash Coyote Who Runs with Wolf … We could shorten it to Dinner Woman.”

I once thought that if I had to change my name for some reason, I’d use my first nickname, Mayno, and add my mother’s (and my daughter’s) middle name, Elizabeth.  It just didn’t feel right. You know what they say about a rose—or a thistle—by any other name.

Mom’s dementia has her remembering being a child on the farm. During this visit I called her Mary Ibbeth as I read a poem about farms. She kept her eyes closed, but she smiled.

Child carrying stack of books ~ statue at main library in downtown Colorado Springs. If you got books by Deanna Dwyer, Leigh Nichols, or David Axton, who wrote them? (Dean Koontz)

The doll of Dorothy from THE WIZARD OF OZ. The movie role was played by Frances Ethel Gumm (aka Judy Garland)

What is your ONE WORD?

 

If you can’t pronounce a word, it’s probably not the right one to make Your Word. (Picture by Marylin Warner)

 

 

Sign it, sing it, paint it, think it ~ it’s your One Word.

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” ~ Mark Twain (aka Samuel Langhorne Clemens)

Several months ago, I wrote a post titled “Ten Words.” It included a contest for short-short-short stories of no more than ten words. In this post, I’m asking you to think about only one word—your ONE WORD—but you don’t have to enter it in a contest.

Before her dementia, my mother was the master of one-word comments and questions. With slight variations in her facial expressions, she made her point very well. “Why?” was more than a question; it was a warning to rethink an action or an attitude. “Wait” conveyed her philosophy: patience was a virtue; she had faith enough to wait and trust how things would work out.  My mother’s one-word statements or questions were a perfect example of Shakespeare’s writing advice: “Suit the action to the word, the word to the action.”

I used to keep a list of one-word book titles: JAWS, 1984, REBECCA, ATONEMENT, IT. I also enjoyed one-word lines that “said it all” in movies: “Plastics.” (THE GRADUATE); “Stella!” (A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE); “Rosebud.” (CITIZEN KANE); “Freedom!” (BRAVEHEART); and “Adrian!” (ROCKY).

Regardless of how you feel about football or the Super Bowl, one NFL quarterback has renewed the interest in “One Worders.” Bronco Peyton Manning has been using his one word shouted at the line of scrimmage– “Omaha”–for years, and he plans to stick with it. Granted, the Broncos lost this year’s Super Bowl, but the Nebraska town (Manning has never lived there) named its zoo’s new-born penguin “Peyton,” and a local ice cream parlor named a new flavor “Omaha, Omaha,” to go with the orange-vanilla mixed with blue malt balls…Bronco colors. The Omaha Chamber of Commerce presented Manning with a $70,000 check for his foundation for at-risk children.

What is your ONE WORD? What is one word you believe in, hope for, use as motivation…or use only because it means something to you, and you don’t tell others why you use it? Physician and writer Oliver Wendell Holmes said, “A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanging; it is the skin of a living thought…”

Years ago, I was volunteering at the Episcopal Women’s Thrift Shop and came across a hand-stitched, framed sampler that someone had discarded to be sold in the shop. No one else seemed to like it–or maybe they didn’t understand it–but the word spoke directly to me. It became my One Word nudge, inspirational reminder and personal challenge: YAGOTTAWANNA

What’s your One Word?  Or, what is the word you once used but then gave it up?

My ONE WORD choice. (Picture by Marylin Warner)

Omaha, Nebraska (Smithsonian’s Arial America shot)

 

Peyton Manning (Google photo)

 

PREPARING FOR THE BEST

Tiger lilies growing wild.
(All photos by Marylin Warner)

Taking a fresh air break with Mom.

Dear Mom,

Remember how much time I used to spend getting ready for camp or packing for a family trip to visit Dad’s family in California? You paired off socks, matched outfits, and ID-ed everything with my initials. I packed and repacked books, games, art projects, camera and film, notebooks and pens, and packages of red licorice rope candy.

Now when I drive from Colorado to Kansas to visit you, it’s simpler. I make sure my Kindle and digital camera are charged, pack only the things I know I’ll need, and start driving. I have several favorite places along the way where I can pick up meals and tempting desserts that are much, much better than licorice ropes.

There are also other things I do to prepare before I arrive at your door. Maybe some of these will help other caregivers and frequent visitors of parents with Alzheimer’s or dementia, and maybe they’ll share ideas to add to my list.

Here are my five basic preparations for a successful visit:

Decide in advance that laughter will be the go-to response in tense situations.  Not laughter at the person, but at the situation. Things happen, messes need to be cleaned up–sometimes again and again–stress can be high. But if my response is to laugh and say, “Oh, this reminds me of when I was a kid. Remember the time when I…?” it’s surprising how the mood lifts and we enjoy each other’s company.

Chew gum.  I once read an article about hundreds of gum chewers and non-gum chewers who were studied for stress.  Those who chewed gum while doing repetitive jobs–without choking or dropping gum on the assembly line, of course–showed significantly less stress.  You no longer chew gum, Mom, but I do when I’m with you…sugarless bubble gum.  It’s harder to blow bubbles, but I remember once when I blew a huge bubble. You looked over, smiled and reached out. I leaned forward and you had great fun popping the bubble with your finger. In that moment you were involved and entertained, and we shared the added bonus of laughter.

Improve the environment.  We have several green plants growing by your front window, Mom, but nothing perks up the feeling of your living room like fresh flowers. You were once an avid vegetable gardener, but you also grew lilies, lilacs, roses, daisies and many varieties of flowering bushes. Now, whenever I bring a bouquet of garden flowers or a blooming plant from the grocery store, you brighten up and respond to the colors and scents. Once I brought a gingerbread mix that could be baked in the microwave, and you enjoyed the smell of warm gingerbread as much as the taste. Microwave popcorn’s popping sound and buttery scent make you smile every time.

Be prepared TO DO something.  Since I spend the night each time I visit you, we have extra time, so I arrive with several things we can do.  We paint your fingernails, sometimes alternating colors; I wrap up a pair of brightly patterned socks for you to enjoy twice… once when you unwrap the package, and then again when I put the socks on your feet; I bring several colorful postcards, and you can decide who will receive them and what you want me to write on each card.  The activities aren’t costly or complicated, just a fun diversion.

Walk…several times.  Caregivers who are able to take frequent walks do better and have less stress.  When I’m with you, Mom, I am your caregiver, so you and I take our walks together. You have a walker, but I’m glad we kept Dad’s old wheelchair. On nice days I take you outside to see the flowers or feed the ducks. On not-so-nice days we stay inside and make an adventure of rolling along the hallways, greeting people we see, stopping at the bookshelves loaded with books to borrow, or enjoying the framed pictures throughout the facility.  We keep moving for as long as we can, and that helps.

______________________________________________

Louis Pasteur wrote: “Chance favours the prepared mind.”

Shakespeare wrote: “All things are ready, if our minds be so.”

And the motto of the Boys Scouts of America is “BE PREPARED.”

In dealing with loved ones who have Alzheimer’s or dementia, we can do only the best we can do at any given moment. Some of my best plans fail miserably, while others succeed amazingly, but only for one visit.  If any of these suggestions help you, I’m glad. If you’ll share your ideas with me, I’d be ever so grateful.

…BY ANY OTHER NAME

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mom,

I was editing a story the other day, and one of the problems that kept popping up was the variety of nicknames the writer had given to the characters. The writer knew exactly which name and nicknames belonged to each character, but it was confusing for the reader.

I thought of our family, and I laughed.

You, Mary Elizabeth, were called Mary E. and Mary Ibbeth. When my brother David couldn’t say Marylin, he called me Mayno. Your brother, my Uncle Ira, called me Strawberry Roan and Red. My daughter, Molly Elizabeth (named for you) was called Pinkie Two Shoes, Mookie, and Punkin. Her children, your great-grandchldren, are nicknamed Grace-a-rooni and Ganno-banano, plus many other affectionate terms.

When Grace was born, I became Mor-Mor (Swedish for mother’s mother), and Molly wanted to call Jim Mor-Far (Swedish for mother’s father). Jim didn’t want that. He laughingly said that someone might add a -t to the end (Mor-Fart), and honestly, the name he’d most looked forward to was Grandpa. When the kids were little, because our dog Maggie is always at Grandpa’s side, they called them GrandpaMaggie. One happy, much-loved word.

In Shakespeare’s ROMEO AND JULIET, an ancient grudge separated two families, the Capulets and Montagues. It didn’t matter to Juliet what Romeo’s last name was: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose- By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Our family would agree with Juliet.

Whatever our nicknames for each other, we say them with love and deliver them with laughter, cuddles, hugs and great affection.

Love you lots, Mary Ibbeth/Mom/Grandma/Mor-Mor-Mor/Great-grandma!

From your daughter: Marylin/Mayno/Mom/Mor-mor

~ ~ ~

 THE MOTHER’S DAY WRITING CONTEST IS NOW CLOSED. 

Your entries were creative, funny, poignant and wonderful. Thank you all.

The judges will receive their copies tonight and tomorrow morning.  

 Winners will be posted on this blog next Sunday, May 20th! 

(Below, the Hoover “kids”–left to right: Sam, Wanda, Ira, Mary Elizabeth, Ruth Lavonne)