MOTHERS AND PHONE SEX. REALLY?

Dear Blog Friends,

I had just kissed my mom goodbye this morning, and as I was driving away I decided to again avoid the highways and toll road. As I’ve said before, on sunny, bright-sky days I find something compelling and interesting about back roads and blue highways, even when I have to follow slow-moving old trucks and occasional tractors. I had a long drive ahead of me, so on impulse today, instead of playing my favorite music CDs, I scanned the talk radio stations in search of an unusual topic to inspire and enlighten the hours ahead. Boy, did I find a zinger. And indirectly, it also tied in with another memory about my mom.

Here’s the background of today’s  topic. With the economic downturn and high unemployment rate, one of the growing job possibilities for women who want to “work from home” is to offer phone sex. Based on this introduction, the program began by covering various aspects of this lucrative opportunity: start-up steps, average salary, anonymity and safety, etc. (It did not answer the question about how, during an economic downturn with high unemployment, how were so many “clients” able to pay for this service?)

The host interviewed–over the telephone, of course (and by then, we all knew where that phone had been!)–a lusty-voiced, experienced specialist. She was college educated–in fact, she said she held two master’s degrees–but in addition to performing a service and making a lot of money, here was her main reason for staying with the job: “It’s important to be home with my kids.”

Okay, if you believe that is her main reason, jump ahead to the comment box right now and write, “I’m a believer!”–(and, in answer to your question, no, you cannot access this sultry-voiced vixen mommie’s phone number via this blog.)

Here’s the reason I doubt the interviewee’s honesty.

If there’s one thing my mother always said, and I verified when I became a mother, and my daughter can vouch for as well now that she has children, it is this: It doesn’t matter what time of day or how interesting a television program is or if the Wii has kids hopping around, the very best way to get your children’s full attention is to start a phone conversation.

It doesn’t matter if you’re ordering a lawn mower from Sears or panting and gasping sexy nothings, if you are a mom you’re going to be interrupted by a small child climbing into your lap or the shrill voice of a tattle tale or a screamer: “Oh no, somebody didn’t flush the toilet, Mom,” and “The dog is doing that thing to the furniture again,” and “Wow, Mom, you really need to shave your legs,” or the ever popular, “Is that Daddy on the phone? Hi, Daddy, can you hear me? Let me talk to Daddy.” (You can substitute “my teacher” or “Grandpa” or the minister’s name here if you want.)

Fill in the blanks for interrupted phone conversations with your own true life examples. Unless the phone sex specialist takes calls only while the kids are at school–yeah, those are probably the most erotic daylight hours for the majority of her clients–mothering is not her #1 reason for this career choice.

That’s my thought for today’s blog. I’d call my mom and double check to make sure she agrees with my conclusion, except she doesn’t hear well over the phone, at this point in her life she sometimes isn’t sure who I am, or sometimes even who she is, and she takes a lot of naps. But even now, when she’s nearing 94 and has advanced dementia, I remember what a good mother she’s always been, even when she was on the phone and fixing meals and cleaning up pet messes, kissing boo-boos and putting on bandaids. And staying actively involved in the lives of her children.

Moms who work at home, outside the home or both, accomplish many tasks while they’re talking on the phone AND being there for their kids. Somehow, I just don’t see how charging by the minute to breathe heavy is time well spent for either the kids…or the caller on the other end of the phone.

What do you think?

22 Comments

Filed under Dementia/Alzheimer's, lessons about life, making a difference, spending time with kids

22 responses to “MOTHERS AND PHONE SEX. REALLY?

  1. juliabarrett

    Brought a smile to my face. I think when moms get on the phone, kids, dogs, cats, birds, tarantulas immediately scream, bark, meow, squawk, crawl… never fails. Phone radar.
    Not possible.

    • Thanks, Julia. Though I think your main character in BEAUTY AND THE FEAST could multi-task and accomplish it, she had way too many other important (and fun and funny) things to do.

  2. HA HA! Love it…especially the part about phones being kid magnets. Pets, too. I think it is quite possible the gal holds degrees, many people do. It’s also quite possible she talks on a phone sex line for bucks. Steve Martin holds degrees, puts on a Groucho Marx nose, does comedy and plays the banjo. Rice and King wrote erotica under pen names. Churchill stuttered. Anything goes. Hey, it’s a funny world. Men generally have no particular time of day as a preference for sex. Just a few minutes alone…or not. Maybe just a stiff breeze. In a car, parking lot, at home, on the cell phone, whenever, where ever. If It’s out there to be had, done deal. No muss no fuss. But, they’d have to have a credit card. I wonder how much of the defaulted credit card expenditures in the country are due to phone sex lines?
    I remember what Mom told me. “Any fool can make a horse run, it takes a master to make them walk.” Surly men on the phone are like running horses, I’d guess.
    Maybe being a tatoo artist would bring her in more bank, but then she would have to connect with the client and be able to follow a pattern. The phone sex lines would be an easier job with clients calling in for customer service…so to speak.
    Moms do what they can to be with their kids, even if it means starting the 4 am shift at Walmart to be home in time, when school’s out. Surely the company the phone sex gal works for then grants her a W-2 or 1099 and she is keeping the economy going with her sultry voice from home. HEY! Maybe I should try it?!

    HA!

    • According to the radio interview she gave, bringing in bucks was not a problem at all. And if she’s said, “Hey, it’s good money, I don’t have to put on makeup or wash my hair, and I can paint the bathroom while I listen if the guy mostly wants to talk,” then okay, that’s probably pretty truthful. But she said her #1 reason for doing this job (and she’d been a phone sex provider since 1996) was to be home with her kids. Really? Hmm.
      It made the drive more interesting, I’ll say that!

  3. Molly

    Another great blog! Just a side note, it doesn’t even have to be talking on the phone. My kids also “drop everything ” to see who I am texting or reading texts from. Being that I have a “smart” phone I get additional attention …reading emails, checking Facebook, playing games and etc. Mine even pulled a new one recently, they mimicked everyword I said while on a work pjone call. Just imagine if my work had been phone sex….too funny!

    • Ooo-ooo, little voices mimicking every word in the background. I can imagine her number of hang-up calls would be significant. And can you imagine what the kids could share during Show’n Tell time at school?

  4. Does it count that when Ishbel is on the phone when I walk into the room I’m all over her , no Marylin, down girl, down, but in a;

    ‘Who’s that, is J is it M is it B, it’s not you MOTHER, is it (the last in a little whisper) What do they want , no Tell them I have no more money, What, this weekend AGAIN, your kidding, What

    I usually get a slap, but I do take the point

    I’m at home for the kids yeah, right

    Is it just that I have never grown up do you think

    • Hey, Tom, a lot of women (and men) run businesses out of their homes. But can’t you imagine the phone sex woman’s dilemma running THIS business from her home? “Hey, bub, can you take it from here and finish this yourself, do you think? My kid is having trouble with algebra and he’s my top priority, you know, getting him into college down the road and all.
      So you go ahead on your own, and if you have questions or need help just call me later…after the kids are in bed. Okey-dokey?”

  5. Nancy Parker Brummett

    I completely agree, Marylin–with the phone call interruptions theory, that is. A young mom from our church called me last week and her kids were going berserk in the background. She apologized, saying, “They were all quiet when I picked up the phone.” I assured her I understood completely. There are just some things you never forget!

    • I know, Nancy. And if you REALLY want them to come running, just try whispering into the phone! There are very few things experienced mothers can guarantee to beginning mothers, but this is one of them!

  6. Ok … I am calling “BS” (excuse the bluntness) on any person saying they took a phone sex job to stay home with their children. It is only a way to justify their moral dilemma of actually taking that type of job. Children see and hear everything, even if you think they are not watching or listening. I do believe a person can find better employment opportunities in order to be a “stay at home parent.” Check yourself people…

    • Blunt is good, Kellie–this blog seems to bring it out in the responses. Actually, your response supports the talk show host’s reply to her, and several of those who called in after her interview.

  7. A friend of mine had that job for a few months when she was in her 20s and hungry (no kids) and she had to work in an office, along many other women on the phone. She said the workforce was very ecclectic but she definitely saw more than one older woman, actually grandmothers in real life, who would be knitting while on the phone. How funny is that? Clearly, the men calling could have cared less who they talked to and apparently it was really good money for the ladies.

    • I’d like to see what the women were knitting…and if they dropped any stitches… ;=) Actually, phone sex operators probably have some amazing stories about their jobs. I just hope the stories don’t include their children.

  8. i was curious if you had a new link to your story Only the Dog Knew? the one in your sidebar leads to the magazine in general, and I didn’t see a search function there? I’m rushed for time now getting out the door, so will google the story later to try locating it that way, but thought I’d ask here, too.

    • Thanks for pointing that out–I hadn’t checked in awhile and didn’t realize it had expired. “Only The Dog Knew” was the published title of the HIGHLIGHTS contest-winning story that I entered with the title “Two Families, Two Tables.” You can access the story under either title now by googling HIGHLIGHTS FOR CHILDREN and typing in the published title.
      This was my first children’s story. My writing is almost exclusively adult fiction, nonfiction, articles and essays, so this was a lot of fun, and working with the editors of HIGHLIGHTS is a treat.

  9. A brilliant post that made me laugh out loud!

  10. Very funny! Her bringing her children into the context like that does sound a bit odd to me.

    • And she said she’d been doing this since 1996 so she could stay home with the kids. If you do the math, it seems like they’d be old enough that mom could be out of the house with another job. The whole thing just felt like she was “recreating” the truth as she went along.

  11. Ha ha ha so true about the phone and kids! This post made me laugh and brought back many memories … thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s